Fuck 27 …Where you at 30?

A drug-induced coma is what seduced my soul better yet a beautiful overdose was as appealing as a scoop of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Where did the time go? Why was my life all of a sudden a dripping faucet into a vat of moldy memories that I couldn’t shake? I was about to hit that daddy age and I felt like I was rolling in the deep with Adele with no claim to life. And by daddy age, I mean, that age when twinks only see you as potential ATMs, but the real daddies think you’re too dumb to date but good enough to fuck. I’m sorry, but turning 27 sucked!

All of a sudden I started taking responsibility for my actions and decisions…. Carelessness went out the window along with my collection notices, from all those unpaid parking tickets I got in DC. The very ones that I was issued while being a whore and enjoying exactly what every transient city is good for… DICK! Yes, good ole’dick that thing you flop around in your mouth blindly in hopes of some sort of validation from the other end…. Want to know a little secret? You won’t get it! Why? Because chances are its 2 am and you just left your friends to suck some random dudes dick because you thought he was cute, but somewhere deep inside, your inner child was screaming for love and attention. All the meanwhile, the guy is too drunk to give a shit about your emotions, his mind is too preoccupied with just using your body for that moment. You know? Like a happy sock! Congratulations in that instance you are the equivalent of a masturbatory accessory. Every time you suck a random guys dick a 12-year-old boy masturbates into a sock (Ding!).

A little bitter? Maybe…. But now on the verge of 29 and all that bitterness transcends into self-actualization. I’m that old guy at the park feeding the ducks, reflecting on my ridiculousness, and how I once prided myself with sleeping with the hottest guy. Though now I just look at those moments and realize how lonely I was….  Let that sink in. Now I do want to cuddle up with red wine and not skip to sex. I actually want to spend time with my family the very people I ran away from for so long. My friends mean so much more to me, and I can really appreciate those who have stuck by me up until this point, just as much as understanding when some friendships just aren’t meant to be… and although I’ve always been the more mature one out of my friends, 27 brought about a deeper understanding of my existence, and how every one of those leached memories that were bringing me down were actually tools I could use to help others in need. That’s called gratitude, and no matter how ugly the memory is, appreciating its worth and using foresight will help lend itself into a new light; A newfound appreciation for your ability to survive life, as we know it.  It’s not as easy to survive, as one may believe it to be….

 

Overdosing and death had a smoky allure to it that almost brought me to my demise. Romanced by my thoughts of worthlessness and self-loathing it fueled a deep desire to just die, but as I survived every “close call”…. I became stronger and stronger realizing how much I had overcome and where my life had the potential to go. I guess this is me saying “Heeeeellllooo from the other siiiiide!” and as I inch closer to 30 those once molded decaying memories are now just ornaments of my past. From which I can reflect on and look forward to saying where you at 30? Because just a couple of years ago the only thing I could say was FUCK 27.

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