Are you a product whore?
Is your best friend and angelic beef cake queen? Who you totally would fuck but clearly only in your dreams.
Do you keep an extra stash of products for when your gay bestie stays the night while you try and hide the good stuff?
Well, you can take that stash and shove up your Prada clutch hunty….you might want to HIDE YO FACE WASH. HIDE YO FACE & BODY SCRUBS. HIDE YO FACE MASKS…..because he gonna try it ALLLLLLLLLLLL lol
You see like me, most gays are product whores and snobs and when we stay over at our fruit fly’s pad for the night; best believe we walk into your bathroom the morning after like its a Herbal Essence commercial. Turning an ordinary mundane shower into 45-120 min spa experience…all with your products and it all goes down like this chile…yes I’m spilling the Tea ….hold the milk ( i might have to bottom later).
1) We quickly turn on the shower to make you think we “hopped right in” (keep in mind we already scoped your shit the night before pre-planned and woke up ready for the mini excursion into your bathroom)
2) We check grindr in case a potential hook might be lined up and we may need to put some extra attention to certain areas….thats if hes not a “TOTAL TOP” (refer to my “Wait gay guys Douche” post)
3) We line up the products that we oh so quietly rummaged your drawers for….Starting off the spa package with your face wash (the most expensive looking one and if he’s OCD like me I read the ingredients yup I speak “Tocopheryl Acetate” ), followed by a scrub (We typically go for anything that is organic or smells like Matt Bomers Ass…if you don’t have a scrub shame on you…HMPH! I’ll bring my own next time…Betch lol), then the final step….the mask oooooh yes the mask… goats milk, peel off, rejuvenating, skin brightening, collagen boosting, clay….did I miss one? Doesn’t matter we are trying them allllllll gurl ALL.OF.THEM.
Knock on the door if you WANT to …not gonna ruin my mini retreat lol. I might just rinse…and repeat betch!