1) “OMG it’s my birthday can I get in for free!?”
Awww… and I’m pretty sure there are 20 other birthdays behind you…so NO!…Chances are if the ID screener notices that it is your birthday and you don’t make a big deal about it; they might actually put you on their personal guest list…. So quit asking and you might get your wish after all.
2) “Do girls get in for free?”
Oh love, that’s cute but look at the guy behind you, yes in the dress….He probably has more make up on than Ru Paul on set ….. Theres definitely more fish on that platter then you will ever serve …so yah NO! #NOTaSTR8club so sissy that walk and move along….
3) “Can I use my college ID?”
Look here boo boo kitty if it ain’t produced by the government and it don’t have your picture on it …..we CAN’T take it! (And no your birth certificate and HEB card aren’t acceptable)
4) “Can you guys hold my stuff? (coats, purse, birthday bags… etc)
Stop being cheap and pay to check your stuff…why? Because, yes we can hold your stuff but that doesn’t mean your guaranteed to get it back without something missing. So pay the damn 1-3 dollars it costs to check it! And No don’t give them 2 coats saying they are both yours because “it’s sooooo cold out” the charge is per item if not unreasonable …. like an umbrella is cool.
5) “Are you really going to card me? Do I look that young?”
No! Actually you look old as fuck, but it’s the doors staffs job to ID everyone. The one instance they are being audited, and the employee is caught not screening, someone is either getting written up, suspended, or even fired. So stop thinking your wrinkles are going to get you through the door without being carded…and no it’s not a damn compliment it’s the employee covering his ass because he has bills to pay!
6) The “I know the Owner/DJ/Bartender” card.
Look here you little bent out of shape crunchy kit-kat, it doesn’t matter who you know, if the supposed employee you absolutely “KNOOOOOOW” is expecting you, they more than likely let the door staff know ahead of time, called it in, or added your name to the guest list. Don’t get impatient we reserve the right to deny you entrance based on your behavior.
7) “I used to work here!”
Okaaaaaaay! And what’s your point? “used to” past tense NOT present ….If you’re a past employee and can’t get in for free, then your employment must not have been that memorable or well liked…..(insert side eye here)
8) “I have a 6 pack! That means I get in for free!”
No, but you get the douche bag award…..I have a six-pack too under my shirt and in my fridge ….I don’t go around asking for freebies …. oh and don’t get all wild and throw a BF, a what you may ask, lol a BF ….a Bro Fit, leave your steroids at home and don’t come at me all sideways again.
Well, I guess I forgot how to let you in without kicking you out for not having your ID. Nothing personal, but there are typically cameras that surveillance the door staff to make sure everyone is being screened and no minors are being sneaked in. #SorryNotSorry
A couple last tips…..
It doesn’t hurt to tip your door staff. If there’s no tip jar visible just ask if you’re allowed to….we remember faces….and can throw you on the guest list from time to time…..Just don’t go all Naomi Campbell and expect royal VIP treatment every time.
DONT get impatient with the cashier, if you’re standing in line for a good 10-15 minutes and you try to pay your entrance fee with wadded up, origami, paper fortune-teller cash that you dug out of the bottom of your purse. We don’t mind, we get it your drunk, but don’t get mad at us for your lack of preparation.