Top 10 things NOT to say to Gay Club Door Staff

1) “OMG it’s my birthday can I get in for free!?”

piggy

Awww… and I’m pretty sure there are 20 other birthdays behind you…so NO!…Chances are if the ID screener notices that it is  your birthday and you don’t make a big deal about it; they might actually put you on their personal guest list…. So quit asking and you might get your wish after all.

 

 

 

 

2) “Do girls get in for free?”

No

Oh love, that’s cute but look at the guy behind you, yes in the dress….He probably has more make up on than Ru Paul on set ….. Theres definitely more fish on that platter then you will ever serve …so yah NO! #NOTaSTR8club so sissy that walk and move along….

 

 

3) “Can I use my college ID?”

nene

Look here boo boo kitty if it ain’t produced by the government and it don’t have your picture on it …..we CAN’T take it! (And no your birth certificate and HEB card aren’t acceptable)

 

 

 

4) “Can you guys hold my stuff? (coats, purse, birthday bags… etc)

hold

Stop being cheap and pay to check your stuff…why? Because, yes we can hold your stuff but that doesn’t mean your guaranteed to get it back without something missing. So pay the damn 1-3 dollars it costs to check it! And No don’t give them 2 coats saying they are both yours because “it’s sooooo cold out” the charge is per item if not unreasonable …. like an umbrella is cool.

 

 

5) “Are you really going to card me? Do I look that young?”

can u not

No!  Actually you look old as fuck, but it’s the doors staffs job to ID everyone. The one instance they are being audited, and the employee is caught not screening, someone is either getting written up, suspended, or even fired. So stop thinking your wrinkles are going to get you through the door without being carded…and no it’s not a damn compliment it’s the employee covering his ass because he has bills to pay!

 

 

 

6) The “I know the Owner/DJ/Bartender” card.

who?

Look here you little bent out of shape crunchy kit-kat,  it doesn’t matter who you know, if the supposed employee you absolutely “KNOOOOOOW” is expecting you, they more than likely let the door staff know ahead of time, called it in, or added your name to the guest list. Don’t get impatient we reserve the right to deny you entrance based on your behavior.

 

 

 

7) “I used to work here!”

sitOkaaaaaaay! And what’s your point? “used to” past tense NOT present ….If you’re a past employee and can’t get in for free, then your employment must not have been that memorable or well liked…..(insert side eye here)

 

 

 

8) “I have a 6 pack! That means I get in for free!”

bro

No, but you get the douche bag award…..I have a six-pack too under my shirt and in my fridge ….I don’t go around asking for freebies …. oh and don’t get all wild and throw a BF, a what you may ask, lol a BF ….a Bro Fit, leave your steroids at home and don’t come at me all sideways again.

 

 

 

9) “What do you mean you don’t take credit!?”
cash
My plain and simple monotone response: “What do you mean you didn’t read the CASH ONLY SIGN ON THE DOOR?”

 

 

 

 

10) “I forgot my ID at home can you let me in? I swear I’m old enough! I don’t even look underage”
bye

Well, I guess I forgot how to let you in without kicking you out for not having your ID. Nothing personal, but there are typically cameras that surveillance the door staff to make sure everyone is being screened and no minors are being sneaked in. #SorryNotSorry

 

 

 

A couple last tips…..

It doesn’t hurt to tip your door staff. If there’s no tip jar visible just ask if you’re allowed to….we remember faces….and can throw you on the guest list from time to time…..Just don’t go all Naomi Campbell and expect royal VIP treatment every time.

DONT get impatient with the cashier, if you’re standing in line for a good 10-15 minutes and you try to pay your entrance fee with wadded up, origami, paper fortune-teller cash that you dug out of the bottom of your purse. We don’t mind, we get it your drunk, but don’t get mad at us for your lack of preparation.

 

 

12 thoughts on “Top 10 things NOT to say to Gay Club Door Staff

  1. My all-time favourites have all been heard in that most Gallic of cities…Gay Paris! And not just at clubs.
    Parisian bouncers, waiters and doormen are not the least bit shy, nor are they in danger of being fired.
    Best reply (and I’m dating myself): late 1980’s, in a popular restaurant in Montparnasse which has never taken reservations, in prances Guillermo Vilas, tennis player from Argentina who was at least 10 years past his prime: walks past some 30 people (including the Comte de Paris, claimant to the Bourbon throne and the Duc d’Orléans, the Bonaparte claimant to the title of Emperor) up to the head-waiter, who tells him there is at least a 45 minute wait, and would he like to give his name and wait in the bar. Señor Vilas replies: I DON’T THINK YOU KNOW WHO I AM! I AM GUILLERMO VILAS, THE FAMOUS ARGENTINIAN TENNIS STAR!
    The head-waiter simply gives the famous Gallic shrug, smiles, reaches out, shakes hands and replies: I am François, the waiter. It is a pleasure to meet you, but I am afraid all these equally important people arrived before you. If you would like to wait in the bar, I will seat you when your turn arrives.
    The reason this is my numero uni is: my friend’s grandfather was at the restaurant on opening day in 1926 and ate there every day except when his work sent him to Saigon from 1946-52. Likewise, my friend’s father ate there from the time he was a child until he retired to the South of France. My friend, who travels extensively, had gone there almost daily from the time he was a child.
    I was patiently waiting in the bar, but as soon as my friend, who had been working late, walked in, the owner rushed over: M. Blanc, hope when you rushed out that everything was okay. I held your table in hopes you would make it back.
    In we marched, past everyone, no waiting required if your family has eaten there since 1926.

    Number 2: Café de la Paix, famous for its 2nd Empire décor, including huge gas-lit (very bright) crystal chandeliers. Loud party of Americans remarking on the brightly-lit interior, anddemanding that the lights be turned down (to make it more intimate).
    “In the U.S., we would never have this bright of lighting in a restaurant!”
    “Well Monsieur, maybe so in America, but here… not so here. Here we are in France, and our chefs are very proud of their their food, and wish the customer to see and admire their work!”
    Clubs…some are very exclusive, as the cover charge (often €100 or more) and strict dress code imply. People not known to the door staff are plucked from the line based on appearance. Just try to bribe your way in. I’ve seen the Doorman pocket cash, ask the person to take a picture with him, laugh, thank him/her/them for the lovely present, then turn him/her/them away and forward the picture to all the other clubs!
    Solution…know the person who books in all the DJ’s and other performers to almost every club, and regularly club-hops to make sure everything is okay. No cover, no dress code, drinks on the house (make sure you leave one or two by the doorman’s station) and face recognition on passing by. Also helps to speak French😸
    Reply to: I worked here when the place opened…
    Ah yes, your bad behaviour is legendary. We are just now beginning to recover our reputation!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love your examples your writing makes me want to go and check out the establishments you described as well! LOL love the line you finished with happens in so many places!

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  2. magnificent points altogether, you simply gained a logo new reader.
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  3. I just read this entire list before realizing that I don’t even go to clubs and literally none of this information is useful to me. Goddamnit internet, you got me again!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for your comment, Justin I would never actually say these things to customers. That would just be bad customer service, and would surely get me fired…..but there are nights when these are the things I wish I could say….lol Im sure your patience was tested many a times. Thanks for reading!

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  4. This is hillarious! It seems like the 10 things NOT to say to (Gay Club) Door Stuff are an international phenomenon… I’ve seen countless incidents like these at German nightclub entrances, too. Except from #8.

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    1. Omg Thank you, this is what happens when a customer pisses you off so much you just have to write about it lol #8 was so ridiculous I had to include it, what I didn’t add was the fact that he literally said “I would have tipped you if you had let me in for free” and walks off…..chile go home with that attitude lol So glad you enjoyed reading my post!

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      1. I write my PhD on bouncers and spent a lot of shifts with bouncers of several nightclubs and I wouldn’t even start to count how many times all these questions came up during these times – it it just too many! It is sometimes still surprising to me how stressed out, unfriendly and complicated some people can be even in their leisure time. And well…i guess, sometimes it is just a clash of cultures: people @ work (door staff, bartenders, …) AND people @ their private timeout (guest and potential guests), ha ha. Are you going to write more about your experiences working the door? Would be great to read more 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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